(In the summary below, all information was provided by the submission I received.
Piece of Writing
Type of writing: Scene from a novel
Background: The piece of writing I am showing you is the proluge (intrudction) and first chapter of my story, it’s a story of going to a world of magic and etcetera. In this chapter her mother wakes her up.
When you hear the word magic, what do you think?
Something false? Just a fantasy tale? or something you wished you had?
In Neptupia, magic has a whole different meaning. Magic is something you’re born with, something you can’t escape from, your chakra, your life force, your energy. Magic is beyond beautiful.
Magic is a very important aspect in Neptupia.
Hmm… The humans, the earthlings, the Klocris, the rude, the rotten, the evil and a thousand other nicknames given to them by the Neptupians
Oh! Silly me, how could I have forgotten one of the most common nicknames the Neptupians have given the Earthlings?
The once born with a curse
Now, there is a reason for this nickname given to humanity like there is a reason for the other nicknames, but that is a topic for another day. We all know that Magic is an important aspect in Neptupia, right? And in some rare cases some true-born Neptupians are born without the beauty of magic, but again that is very rare as stated before.
Those rare citizens of Neptupia that are born without the beauty of magic, those people born with the very curse that would make them different from other Neptupians are given a gift to make up for it.
The gift of craft and wisdom.
Also, the gift of being able to learn magic even if you were not born with it-though they cannot use it as well as those born with the beauty magic.
You can recognize them by the rose painting on their foreheads. Any time Humans (the cursed ones) enter the World of Neptupia, a white rose painting appear on their foreheads. The reason why it’s a white rose is because in Neptupia white signifies loss and curses.
You might be asking then how would a Neptupian figure out who is a Nepupian and who is a human? If both have the same rose painting on their forehead.
The answer is quite simple! A Neptupia citizen who has the unlucky curse to be born without magic rose painting on their forehead won’t glow, unlike a human’s rose which glows.
Now, that we have covered that. Let’s move on to the next topic:
Ah, yes, the brave, the mighty, the heroic and honorable heroes of Neptupia. The people who defended the kingdom in their darkness days.
Normally some are earth humans who discovered a library that led them to this world and others are citizens from Neptupia.
The most commonly known heroes for their bravery are:
Lady Hippolyta, Thee Nerca, Lord Hazeo, Lord Haru and Lady Quincell.
These heroes defended the city with all they had, their deeds where the bravest, the most heroic and the greatest.
Now, it would be time for a new generation of heroes to rise. To save Neptupia from the darkness that has risen.
Klorics is a very great insults to people to Earthlings (people who are from earth) fittingly, the word comes from the elves language (gamar) as one of their very loved heroes hated people born on the Earth for a reason that is unknown. Elves are commonly known for their gorgeous looks, their pointy leaf-shaped ears, for being cunny and not being the nicest type of creatures. They usually like to keep to themselves, and normally don’t respect people who aren’t elves like them. The only person they respect that isn’t an Elf like them are the royals of Neptupia who are traced back to the 4 great creators (more info about them in the end) And the gods of Neptupia. They usually go in groups and live to about ten billion years and have an ability called cloradux (being able to release a scent that would be able to attract anyone they sense can be a danger to them- they normally use this ability to lure people to them so they can kill them and stop them from attacking)
Klorics can also mean just a word referred only to Earthlings.
Two young boys and a beautiful woman were sitting on a sofa by the fire.
“Queen Verica, I have no means to be rude but why do we need earthling girls to helps us?” One of the boys asked out of curiosity.
“Well, Xalva I don’t know what to tell you. But you would soon see” The Queen responded to her son while warming her hands by the fire. Her beautiful dark skin shined brightly against the fire. Xalva, the queen’s son frowned at the answer the Queen gave.
“Queen Verica that isn’t a valid explanation, I need a real one” Xalva pleaded.
“Well, my child that is a valid explanation for I and it should be for you too. When have I ever been wrong?” She asked raising her eyebrows
“Well, 59 years ago…” The second boy started.
“You and I both know that I learnt from my mistakes” The two boys looked at each other and wondered what to say. Before the finally sighed. It was not use trying to get anything out from the queen. Just as she was gentle and calm, the queen was also fierce and headstrong.
"Yes, Marahn " The Queen smiled brightly at her sons and was about to continue focusing her attention directly on the fire, When Xalva announced.
“I still don’t know why we need those earthly girls you’ve picked. I’ve heard earth girls are weak, useless and only stain to their family name” The Queen frowned.
“The girls that I have chosen aren’t weak, useless or a stain in their family names! And humans aren’t weak, they just have a different structure than us Neptupians. So, whoever told you that, is a Mendacious liar” The Queen declared, but in her mind, she was having doubts.
'What if it is true? ’
‘Then Neptupia would be doomed’ A voice in the Queen’s head said.
‘The oracle said…’ The queen calmed down remembering the Prophecy and shooed the doubts in her head.
Xalva huffed, and scowled " But even if they are not what I believe them to be, they still will and always be just klocris " He spat the world Klocris out, like it was the worst insult he could give.
The queen rolled her eyes and with an angelic voice said “You, will see soon,”
“Avery! Avery! Avery wake up!” My mom shouted causing me to groan.
“Isn’t it Saturday, Mom?” I told her as I rubbed my left eye and sat up.
“Well, of course it is Saturday.” My mother said with an eyeroll. “But- “she smiled. “Today is the day of the Naximate Selection!” My Mother screamed happily causing me to fell down from my bed in surprise. It couldn’t be, how could I have forgotten?
If you’re wondering, the “Naximate selection” Is made for humans to be able to have a chance to go to Neptupia but, it only usually happens every 40 years and you have to sign up, you have to apply for the event and you would also have to be the age of 12 to be able to join the “Naximate Selection.” The reason for this is assumed to be because of their school system. In Neptupia, they have klangs- which is equivalent to a mix of kindergarten and primary school on earth. The ages for Klangs schoolers are 2-7. Now, you might be wondering why if there is klangs the selection is only applicable for children of ages 12? Well, the thing is that Neptupians hate humans, the reason why if they distaste humans so much, why do they organize the Naximate selections and the reason they have a distaste towards us wasn’t given an explanation to, but they do and they wouldn’t let a “human” child of ages 2-7 feet touch the “pure” land of Neptupia.
Anyway, it has always been my desire to go to Neptupia and study. Since I was a little girl and heard about the land of ‘magic’. I sighed mentally at the word magic. I’ve always wanted to learn the spells they would teach in Neptupia.
I really hope I do win and get to enter Neptupia. The very thought of being chosen made me swoon.
“Avery, Avery!” My mom said exasperated, as she snapped her fingers in my face.
“Huh?’’ I questioned, blinking my eyes.
“oh, Dios mío!” She proclaimed loudly as she slapped her forehead. Making me confused, did I do something wrong? Looking at my surprised expression, she said, “You always like exploring in that mind of yours and leaving me behind. I’ve called your name about 20 times now to tell you to take a bath and dress up quickly, then come downstairs to eat you breakfast so we can get going before we are late.” She said with an eye roll causing me to be embarrassed.
“Sigh, I am just being dramatic Avery, you do not need to apologize. But do go take a bath and come down, your dad and I would be waiting for you so that we can go to the Naximate Selection together.” I smiled and nodded my head.
The flaws I have included about the characters and how I wrote it in general. Opinions on both characters would be quite helpful. And I I know it’s really bad- Anyhow, I want to know what you guys think.