Advice for anonymous pieces of writing

I’m going to reply soon (will bookmark this for later)

Writing #8

Type of Writing:

Episode scene

Background or information to be considered:

So, the scene is set in a bar which revolves around two girls named Caity and Jillian. They are best friends who are enjoying a night out at the local bar with friends and family. The scene that I’m on is when the girl’s just turned down shots. The band that is playing who are friends of the two girls stops the music to announce that they just signed a deal for their first record. The girls are happy for them voice their thoughts on how it is great. I can’t figure out where to go from there on to the next scene. It has to flow into where Hachi asks Jillian if they can talk privately but I’m having a hard time coming up with a transitioning dialogue that leads to that conversation. I’m posting below what I have for that part. It’s not much at all but I’m just stuck in a rut.

SCRIPT INSERT

volume music 100 0
music music_80srock_lp
@LONAVYA is sing_hand_raise_loop
@CAITY is idle_happy and JILLIAN is idle_happy
@zoom on 485 0 to 122% in 2

JILLIAN (talk_excited)
That’s great for them!

CAITY (talk_happy_agree)
They’ve been pretty successful since I left for school!

JILLIAN (talk_happy_agree)
They have been working their ass off this whole year to get to this point!

The feedback they are looking for quoted from their exact response:

“Help me figure out how to transition to the next scene more naturally. I’m getting writers block because of this one part for the story. Any suggestions will be helpful!”

@Episodians maybe you could help on this one?

2 Likes

I can make a new post. Just add to details that it’s an edited version. I’ll make sure to quote the post of your first draft so they know.

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or ever wanted? I feel like this sentence isn’t quite pleasurable. Maybe you should change it to “or the reason why you wanted to go to that manor in the first place”

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Ok! I am not with my desktop now so when I get it, I’ll submit in on the form and you can make the new post.

1 Like

There is an extended version of the scene on this thread.

I love it so far! All I have to say is to probably change the part I said before and re-read for grammar errors.

Question, where are you writing this? I would love to read it when it is completed.

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Lol thanks, I wrote it lol. It actually is complete, it’s a short story! Currently up on Wattpad on an easier-to-read format lol.
Links and stuff are on my profile somewhere lol for access.

1 Like

i’ll check it out