Discussion: Can you choose family?

So this question has been on my mind for quite some time.

It’s just that I have relatives that I truly despise because of their toxicity makes me hate them so much. That includes distant relatives because they see me as a threat.

To me, family means people that always have my back.

Let me know what are your thoughts?

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Well, in my opinion, family isn’t only the people whom you share DNA with - family is also people who sincerely love you. People who are willing to fight for you and be there for you in hard times.

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I wish…I hate some of my family members. :gift_heart: You’re born with a family, but you can call the people you love family :heart:, and avoid the ones you hate. I consider my friends part of my family :green_heart: but not my sister…:roll_eyes:

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So, to me, family is people who will do anything for you and only wish you the best.

You can’t choose family, but you can choose how much they’re in your life!

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By the way, I am really sorry for what you are going through :slightly_frowning_face::pensive:. I wish I could be there for you. Seriously.

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I’m just sick of being talked down on for defending myself against that horrible aunt. She’s not the only one that has been giving me a hard time, her husband is a prick too! I guess he converted her to be a dick to me.

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She’s right, @MezoriaThorn. But, you can choose whether you want them in your life. In general, you choose which people do you want them to be a part of your life.

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True.

Then again, we all have rights to lose contact with a relative or friend.

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Definitely! If your family causes you a lot of stress or is detrimental to your mental health, you can cut them off and I see that as 100% fine. My mum has done it with a lot of my family members who weren’t ok with me being mixed race. :grimacing:

Friends are like family you can choose! Sure, I tend to forgive family more willingly than friends, but that doesn’t give them a free pass to be horrible to me.

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Mixed race people are gorgeous.

Since I have cut ties with relatives (close or distant), I feel better but the problem is that when my mum brings them up, this is when hell breaks loose because I still get flashbacks of the shit that happened to me in the past that I can’t seem to let go.

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Have you tried sitting her down and starting the conversation yourself when she’s in a good mood? Like, it must be a lot harder to talk about issues like this when it’s on her terms and not yours.

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I find it difficult to do that since she always defend those who have hurt me and never bother to listen to my side of the story. She even tries guilt tripping me whenever she mentions this one cousin I can’t stand anymore since she stabbed me in the back.

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Definitely true. They shouldn’t take advantage of your forgiving nature in order to be hostile towards you. Absolutely not.

Well, she did well at some point. I mean, I believe she did so because she wanted you to be surrounded by people who’d love you just the way you are, regardless of your being mixed.

By the way, may I ask you, do you live with your mother?

I do live with my parents but I’m always in my room since I don’t even bother talking to her since she would start stupid arguments.

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Oh, then living with them makes it harder for you, doesn’t it? :slightly_frowning_face:

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Pretty much. I always hide in my room whenever that bitch comes or when she has her friends over (don’t like her friends because they always see me as a threat just because I don’t conform to the ideal Bangladeshi woman).

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Has it always been like that?
I am sorry if I am being rude when I ask you these questions.

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I’d say so since their children are always horrible to me since day 1 and since they’re around my age, they still act immature af around me like pick on me over being non-religious.

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