Discussion: Concept of Virginity

Not sure if there is a thread for this one but I’ll just talk about it anyway. I know I don’t really touch on topics like this because it may be sensitive. What are your thoughts on the concept of virginity?

I’d say it’s a ridiculous expectation for women since people usually glorify virginity if you think about it. Like if they hear that a woman is a virgin, that person would get happy all about it. Trust me, I’ve been in that situation when I was with my ex. But with that put to the side, I wanted to know what are your thoughts on it. You don’t have to go into details about it but I’d like to hear your views on it.

Btw, feel free to close this if it’s silly of me to bring this up as I was having this conversation with a friend about this thing since people are pretty conservative about it.

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It not really something I think out with what my childhood was like . But if I could go back and change it then I would. Its may sound weird but I like the whole ‘Save it for someone you want to marry idea’. I would of loved my fiancee to of been the first instead of what actually happened.

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I think waiting until marriage is best because the relationship will be more secure and you won’t stress out as much. :purple_heart: :butterfly:

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I’d wait till marriage to lose it for multiple reasons.

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taps mic

It’s a created concept and doesn’t actually exist because you cannot “prove” a person’s virginity. You don’t actually “lose” anything when you lose your virginity. Hymens are not solid proof of it because they can break due to any physical activity or you can be born without one. This is just another way of shaming women and girls’ sexualities. :v:t5:

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3 words. Virginity is overrated.

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You know in like… 1500’s roughly a woman was worth much more in a marriage if they were a virgin.

There were some cases where people tried to rape the queens-to-be so that they would lose their worth :pensive:

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Yes yes yes!

I think it’s really interesting people would want to wait until marriage, for non-religious reasons (religious reasons are equally foreign to me but less interesting since it’s a cut and dry reason). I waited a while, but sex was a part of many (definitely not all) relationships I had.

There’s a weird damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of mentality around virginity in my opinion. There’s a lot of pressure to be sexually active but not too slutty. I was self-conscious (at the time) about “losing” it late, but in retrospect, it was still pretty early (I was 19).

I’m glad I had sex when I did because it kind of demystified the whole thing, which was part of the pressure I felt at the time, but there are certain people I sorta regret sleeping with. I wouldn’t change anything since it all led here, mistakes and all, but sex and virginity shaming can have a power over it if you let it.

But yeah, it’s a weird thing in our society and places a lot of pressure on girls and boys.

Also, maybe the concept of virginity is slowly being changed because there’s a very traditional heterosexual definition of sex but that doesn’t apply for all couples!

Personally, I think “third base” is more intimate than sex, so I don’t think that the traditional labels on virginity even really apply and lots of very sexual acts “don’t count” in the eyes of many, so our concept of virginity is even sillier!

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Virginity isn’t real. It’s just a stupid social concept and people should sleep freely with who they want.

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I think that for religious and non-religious reasons it’s the idea of commitment and the “right person” but that doesn’t seem stable. Personally, I don’t think it’s right to teach kids especially girls that marriage is a “fix” or “solution” to all aspects of a relationship. Sex doesn’t guarantee commitment. Marriage doesn’t guarantee commitment. Not doing something as a form of education isn’t education. It’s basically telling you to figure it out later which isn’t useful because it’s still tip-toeing around losing your virginity as a taboo.

This right here! My secondary school was an all-girls Catholic school and it was so common to slut-shame girls for literally breathing but mocking them for not having boyfriends at the same time. There was so much toxic thinking regarding virginity and relationships which I internalised which I’m still unlearning to this day.

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Even in my religion, I can’t have sex till I get married. I also consider myself very patient and have had trauma in the past, so those are a few other reasons. For me at least.

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I respect different opinions and choices on virginity. But it’s a whole big deal over nothing that amazing to be honest.
I personally never had the desire to wait until marriage, my biggest issue with that idea is chemistry. You can have butterflies with someone, and feel like there is more, and then marry them and when you finally have sex, there could be no real spark there. Then you’re bound to that person.
I know many people will be like, sex isn’t everything etc, which is true. But it’s the most intimate act with someone and if it’s lacking any real passion then it can be a sign that you aren’t all that great for each other.
I was 17 when I lost my virginity, and honestly was no big issue to me at all, my only advice would be to forget all concepts and beliefs. Do what you think is best for you, and try to pick the right person for you to experience it with.

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That makes sense. You should definitely listen to yourself for the timing. Especially to wait til you’ve worked through trauma which is very individual. Deciding when (and if) to have sex such a personal thing that it’s really your own business.

Yeah, that would be my big fear as well. It wasn’t an issue for me with my husband (since we had already slept together since I was not waiting for marriage and he wasn’t either) but like, it would be a possibility. Also once you’re already married, there’s so much more pressure for it to be good, especially that first time. And the first time rarely is…

Yeah, I was lucky that mine wasn’t terrible, but I think that’s because I had low expectations so I’d agree that you kinda have to forget your preconceived notions about how great and life-changing sex is. It’s not.

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I am 24 still a virgin. not because of anything to do with virginity. but because well I have not dated in two years. before that I was in a very long lasting relationship with one who was kinda afraid of haveing sex

sorry to much information. but anyway I kinda think virginity is a weird thing. this video is great though

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I’m still a virgin, and I believe that it’s up to the individual what they think losing their virginity is (for example if their first sexual experience was abuse and they don’t want to count it) but one thing I never understood about the concept of virginity is why girls are congratulated for being virgins while guys are made fun of.

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I’ve met 13 year olds who aren’t virgins. :upside_down_face::nauseated_face:

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As a guy who lost his virginity at 15 (Yes, wouldn’t recommend it), it’s not that great, really. Losing it early, even as a guy (We’re usually congratulated for it), it’s really not all that. Virginity is also like, made up. So. There’s that.

Have sex when you feel ready. We have ages for this kinda thing as a base line, but those ages vary from country to country, so they’re certainly not hard and fast rules, because there isn’t a hard and fast rule. Different people develop and mature at different rates. If you don’t feel ready, you don’t. If you feel ready, you probably are. Treating young girls as idiots who don’t know what they want is immensely patronising, even if it’s a mistake, and they weren’t really ready, it’s still their decision to make.

It’s a dumb way of keeping women in line, plain and simple. Heavily overrated and massively tied into purity culture, the literal worst ideology on earth

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Also when done right, and when you feel ready, sex is great. It’s wonderful, even. But there’s no need to rush into it

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I think that if it’s illegal for you to be having sex then you probably shouldn’t be, despite wether or not you feel ready :grimacing:

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Actually, the laws get murkier so long as the two people interacting are of the same age.

But yes, like I said, the legal age of consent is typically a good guide for this kinda thing, but it’s not a hard and fast rule. If we treat it like that, we’ll invariably make people feel bad for not having sex by that age.

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