So I’m having a huge problem where I’m just constantly nitpicking at my scenes and I keep changing things over and over again… and at this point, I need someone to help me to figure this out. I really need a second or a couple of opinions.
I really need honest constructive feedback and I’ll describe what I want out of this.
If you have interest in reading this story later without spoilers then maybe don’t try and help lol.
I’ve put all the spoilers in the brackets/arrow thingies. But you’ll need to read them if you wanna beta read, or you can just beta read the episodes so far without having any outside/background knowledge, honestly whatever you want to do.
So if you want to beta read you should probably read this: (it’s basically background info)
Story title: Pages Past
So this story is centered around a woman named Paige who works as a servant for her stepsister Sandy and stepmother Murtha. Her father died and she spent the majority of her life in an orphanage. I still have to think about the details of this, but I am thinking that she was in an orphanage as a baby, and got adopted by her father when she was young. Her stepmother never liked her because she was adopted and when he died she sent her back there. By the time Paige was around 18 the orphanage found itself shutting down.
Now, this story takes place in a time like the Victorian times (it’s not specific at all, it’s pretty vague) and Paige can’t get a job as a woman of no social standing. So before this, she was helping out at the orphanage, and now she has nowhere to go, and neither do the kids.
Sandy now is a woman and her mother is trying to find an appropriate suitor for her that will bring them the most money. Sandy is beautiful and quite popular, but she refuses to marry anyone but the prince (who at this point she’s only met when she was younger and has no relationship with, therefore the chances of this actually happening are quite slim). Her mother is now looking for someone to keep her in check, someone to be a personal maid to her and to also humble her enough for marriage. Paige is the only one that can do this, so when Paige goes out looking for work and to help the orphanage Murtha makes her a proposition.
Work for her until Sandy marries, and the orphanage shall not only have Paige’s old home but also enough money to keep them running. (Yes Murtha has money, but she isn’t super-rich and we’re assuming here that she is very vain and greedy and it is also expected of someone of Sandy’s stature to marry and Murtha will not fall behind on this).
I never intend to show this until a couple of episodes in, so you won’t see this at all when you read it. The most you’ll see is Paige working for Sandy but this is the background info that I thought would be useful. A lot of the episodes I made were before I came up with this, so please keep that in mind as well.
I also want in the first episode for Paige to meet the prince, and for that exchange to mimic a cliche story of a similar nature. What you should know about the prince is that he is going to become king, and every maiden of the higher class wants to marry him.
another thing that you should know is that I wrote episodes 1-6 a while ago, then changed my mind and didn’t like it and started to re-write and that re-writing is where I am now. I’m still re-writing the first episode.
How I intend for the first ep to go
I want Paige to be shown working for Sandy and Murtha, for there to be some talk/jealousy among the people for Derek, to show Derek not liking his life as prince/thinking to too strict and for Paige at the end of the episode to meet him. That’s mainly what I need help with and the best way to do this and possibly some ideas of other scenes that could be put in there. I need someone to tell me what they think of what I’ve got of the first episode so far.
If you’d like you can read episodes 1-6 but they have almost nothing to do with what I’ve got so far and I’ve given you an option to skip them. The rest of the episodes are me just tinkering around with the first episode. The reason why there are multiple episodes was for it to be less confusing to me re-watching it/editing it. If I wanted to completely redo it I didn’t want to just get rid of the code, so I just made another episode.
Here’s the story:
(hopefully this works and you can see more than the published episodes)