I need some beta readers!

So I’m having a huge problem where I’m just constantly nitpicking at my scenes and I keep changing things over and over again… and at this point, I need someone to help me to figure this out. I really need a second or a couple of opinions.
I really need honest constructive feedback and I’ll describe what I want out of this.
If you have interest in reading this story later without spoilers then maybe don’t try and help lol.
I’ve put all the spoilers in the brackets/arrow thingies. But you’ll need to read them if you wanna beta read, or you can just beta read the episodes so far without having any outside/background knowledge, honestly whatever you want to do.

So if you want to beta read you should probably read this: (it’s basically background info)

Plot Description

Story title: Pages Past

So this story is centered around a woman named Paige who works as a servant for her stepsister Sandy and stepmother Murtha. Her father died and she spent the majority of her life in an orphanage. I still have to think about the details of this, but I am thinking that she was in an orphanage as a baby, and got adopted by her father when she was young. Her stepmother never liked her because she was adopted and when he died she sent her back there. By the time Paige was around 18 the orphanage found itself shutting down.

Now, this story takes place in a time like the Victorian times (it’s not specific at all, it’s pretty vague) and Paige can’t get a job as a woman of no social standing. So before this, she was helping out at the orphanage, and now she has nowhere to go, and neither do the kids.

Sandy now is a woman and her mother is trying to find an appropriate suitor for her that will bring them the most money. Sandy is beautiful and quite popular, but she refuses to marry anyone but the prince (who at this point she’s only met when she was younger and has no relationship with, therefore the chances of this actually happening are quite slim). Her mother is now looking for someone to keep her in check, someone to be a personal maid to her and to also humble her enough for marriage. Paige is the only one that can do this, so when Paige goes out looking for work and to help the orphanage Murtha makes her a proposition.
Work for her until Sandy marries, and the orphanage shall not only have Paige’s old home but also enough money to keep them running. (Yes Murtha has money, but she isn’t super-rich and we’re assuming here that she is very vain and greedy and it is also expected of someone of Sandy’s stature to marry and Murtha will not fall behind on this).

I never intend to show this until a couple of episodes in, so you won’t see this at all when you read it. The most you’ll see is Paige working for Sandy but this is the background info that I thought would be useful. A lot of the episodes I made were before I came up with this, so please keep that in mind as well.

I also want in the first episode for Paige to meet the prince, and for that exchange to mimic a cliche story of a similar nature. What you should know about the prince is that he is going to become king, and every maiden of the higher class wants to marry him.

another thing that you should know is that I wrote episodes 1-6 a while ago, then changed my mind and didn’t like it and started to re-write and that re-writing is where I am now. I’m still re-writing the first episode.

How I intend for the first ep to go

I want Paige to be shown working for Sandy and Murtha, for there to be some talk/jealousy among the people for Derek, to show Derek not liking his life as prince/thinking to too strict and for Paige at the end of the episode to meet him. That’s mainly what I need help with and the best way to do this and possibly some ideas of other scenes that could be put in there. I need someone to tell me what they think of what I’ve got of the first episode so far.

If you’d like you can read episodes 1-6 but they have almost nothing to do with what I’ve got so far and I’ve given you an option to skip them. The rest of the episodes are me just tinkering around with the first episode. The reason why there are multiple episodes was for it to be less confusing to me re-watching it/editing it. If I wanted to completely redo it I didn’t want to just get rid of the code, so I just made another episode.

Here’s the story:
http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6011039618760704
(hopefully this works and you can see more than the published episodes)

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It sounds like an interesting story… I’ll read it later this evening and let you know what I think. :hugs:

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@Writers :3

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I WANNA READ IT

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though if it’s published, we won’t be able to see unpublished, i think :skull:

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Oof, I did archive the whole thing tho, I can publish it then archive it again :rofl:

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I would be glad to read it.

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OH
well maybe it will work thenajskkddk

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added tags

I would read but I really don’t have the time sorry :pray:t4: Good luck tho

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Okay guys! If you want you can skip 1-6 (I added an option to skip, don’t worry) and just watch the more recent episodes. Or you can watch it all if you have time, but the more recent episodes are just pieces of the first episode anyway.

If you do thanks so much, Ik it’s a lot lol. After you read it we can have like a discussion or something about what I can do to have it make more sense/make it better. Fair warning, it might not make sense and if it doesn’t, I apologize.

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You know I’d love to, but I can’t read episode stories! The app won’t load at all for me! The woes of being banned

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Oof, if you want to read it I can just screen record it and put it on youtube, but that’d have to be like one episode lol.

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Im sure you have enough beta readers already but if not I would love to read this.

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Cool! You can, the more the merrier lol.

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Ok, I’m working on a video thing for people that don’t have episode. It’s not going very well tho cuz youtube has decided to hate me :confused:

Okay here’s the video version:


I had to take out a few scenes and stuff cuz it wasn’t processing but here it is!
Keep in mind that this isn’t the full thing, but it is something that I do want feedback on!

I also should mention that we’re gonna ignore directing for now and little errors like that (spelling/grammar as well) unless you see something big.

I read the first episode last night, and I like how it starts. Not boring nor cliché at all! And the line where you narrate that what Paige prayed for was too dark for a little girl to admit adds a great touch of mystery into the story from the start.
I also love the way you’ve developed young Paige’s personality, and how close she is with her father. Family relationships are very important to me, and stories that don’t have them feel empty to me.
But… since you’ve change it and rewritten it, I’ll skip to the most recent episodes tonight and see what you’ve omitted/added so I can tell you my honest opinion as to which version I like best.

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Thanks for going through it! It’s a lot! And thanks for the feedback, I mainly changed it because I wanted it to start with Paige in the present, then cut to her past later in the story.

I think that’s an even better idea! I’ll let you know tomorrow what I think of the changes you made. :yellow_heart:

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