I'd love to know what you think of this short story 🥺

I wrote this for my English class and decided to share it here as well.
It was fun to try something other than murder for once, but I think I failed at building the right atmosphere :thinking::green_heart::eyes::sparkles:
Don’t mind the formatting, it kinda got lost when I copied the text here :eyes::green_heart:

The whole world stood still in anticipation.
This was it. The final turning point in history.
It would decide over the life and death of an entire planet, although it was yet unclear which planet would survive.
I brushed a long strand of my dark blonde hair behind my ear and took a deep breath.
I have been preparing for this moment my entire life, but yet, I still felt like I wasn’t ready for what was to come now. Honestly, I don’t think that anyone could ever truly be ready for this.
I looked back at all my supporters one last time and closed my eyes. I had to stay calm. Mine and everyone else’s lives depended on it.
I took a small step forward and heard the crowd behind me cheer. Most of them were clueless about what exactly was going on, but they knew that it was important for their survival. And that was enough of a motivation for them to fund my spaceship.
The thought of all their support and encouragement made me smile a little. Growing up, everyone had always told me that the human race was a cruel one, one that only cares about themselves and would harm anyone who would try to stand in their way to personal success, but yet, we were all gathering here, united in the fight for our lives.
Would we even be able to tell anyone about our greatest accomlishment as humans? We didn’t know yet, but we hoped for it.
We had all been preparing for this day ever since the first mysterious writing appeared. Nowadays, every child knows it by heart and could recite it at any given moment.

We are coming for you and your planet. In exactly 300 stellar years, we will arrive and make you wish you had never tried to contact us. You angered the great and mighty Grorg and we will make you pay for it.

It was a very short message, but also a very clear one. We had no idea who they were, but we knew that we had to do something and prepare for whatever was going to happen.
The history books say that this was the first time that all nations truly worked together for a common goal. It was hard at first, but after a few decades, people worldwide grew to accept that tey were no longer just a part of a small individual nation, but a member of a worldwide united friendship. Wars were halted to save ressources for the mysterious nearing common enemy. Humanity didn’t know what to expect, so they prepared for very scenario they could think of.
That was until the second and last mysterious writing appeared, this time even shorter than the first one, but unmistakeably from the same source.

We want to talk to her. Only her.

Although they never stated a name, it was obvious that I was the person they chose.
Why? The paper appeared on my head a few minutes after I was born. Later attempts of trying to figure out how it landed there only showed a bright flash of light appearing and disappearing above my small baby head.
So as soon as the writing was found, I became something like a celebrity. Only that I was more important than most of those people we call celebrities and everyone kenw it. This lead to a lot of jealousy and hate over the years as they all couldn’t understand why an ordinary girllike me could be the chosen one.
Only I knew the real reason for it. And today I was planning to show it to all of them.
I took anothr step forward, faster this time. There was no time for dramatic gestures, so I tried to pay as little attention to my surroundings as possible.
With every next step I took, the crowd cheered louder and the weight of responsibility on my shoulders got heavier.
Would I survive this meeting? I didn’t know. But it was unimportant compared to all the innocent lives on earth which all depended on me. I was just a tiny human girl, who could easily get lost in the masses of other human girls like me.People would probably not have paid any attention to me if they didn’t know about how important I was.
So when I finally reached the small metal ladder reaching up to the door of my spaceship, I was trying to be as selfless as I could be. There was no time to think about me as an individual person. I had a mission and I would not back down because of my personal fears.
I climbed up the ladder with my arms shaking in anticipation. A hand reached out to me and I took it with a polite smile on my face.
The guy pulled me up and I recognized my old childhood friend, Bradley. I trusted him with my life, so whhen they asked me to choose only one person to go to space with me, I immediately knew that I would have to choose him.
He closed the door behind us and we both nervously settled down in our chairs.
There was no time for second thoughts, so I pressed the engine button before any could come up.
The spaceship launched with a deafening rumble and I could feel the air around me getting hotter from the fire surrounding us.
When the spaceship finally reached the outside of earth’s atmosphere, I could hear our entire crew cheering over the intercoms.
A familiar face appeared on the mointor in front of me.
“It’s great to see you are still doing well without me. Sorry that I didnt tell you that I couldn’t make it. It was quite urgent, you know.”, Bradley said and smiled at me.
“What’s wrong, Hailey? Why do you look so pale?”
“But if you are still on earth, then who-”
I looked to my side and saw that the seat next to me was empty.
“Hailey?
Can you hear-”
The monitor flickered one last time before it went off forever, together with all the other technology on the spaceship.

7 Likes

Radlad

Typo

Bradley :frowning:

It’s really good yes :eyes:

1 Like

Continue it I wanna know what happens to Hailey :sneezing_face:

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Aside from the couple typos, it sounds good, especially that cliffhanger. It was something else.

2 Likes

I make a lot of those on my computer, my fingers are too shaky :pleading_face:

Thank you :pleading_face::green_heart:

But I’m lazy :pleading_face:

Thank you! :pleading_face::green_heart::eyes::sparkles:

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But Hailey🤧

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She’s independent enough to figure this out without us :pleading_face::green_heart:

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But we wanna know :sneezing_face::sneezing_face::sneezing_face::joy:

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Maybe condense this into a statement that still gives the reader the idea that everything shut off?

I think sometimes it’s best to give the reader the benefit of the doubt that they can understand what you’re saying without you saying it word for word for them.

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Sounds like a good idea to me, thank you :eyes::green_heart:

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omg that is so freaking goooooooood it just lacks ducks.

its amazing!

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Thank you :pleading_face::green_heart:
I’ll make sure to include more ducks next time :duck:

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that was kind of a joke but no problem :pleading_face: love u girl

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No, the story really lacks ducks :pleading_face::duck:

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it needs at least 1 duck U-U

1 Like