Deep breaths. This is a topic that has always been super close to my life and my experiences and matters to me a great deal. Interracial relationships and mixed children. I have a lot to say on the matter, and I would love to hear everyone’s points of view for a good few reasons.
For one, I am the product of an interracial relationship. I am mixed race. And for my whole life, I have suffered a bunch of hardships for it. For one, I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. My Indian extended family was particularly bad at accepting me and it got to the point where hugging me in public or taking me to a wedding became a political statement in my family. The act of being seen with me outside and not being ashamed? Well that was a big F U to a bunch of people and my nan did that when I was a baby.
But on my black side of the family, I never really experienced any hatred, resentment or judgment for who I was. That ended up causing a lot of issues for me where I tried to actively identify with my Indian side and took my black side for granted as a young teenager and that mentality took a long time to get past that and fall in love with being half black. That’s because I was actively discouraged from identifying with my black side and I was humiliated by my Indian extended family for being half black. Whereas on my black side, no one had a problem with me being Indian. In fact, they embraced and adored it!
So it caused me a lot of issues.
But the main reason I found it such an interesting topic and one I needed to cover at some point was because I’m starting to notice a lot of resentment from the black community – in particular, sadly, women – who have a problem with the fact that my father dated outside of the race. That my mother and my current step mum are non-black. And also that my mix gives me lighter skin. I wanted to cover that a little bit.
I watched the following video and it reminded me of how much I was astounded by the number of black women who are completely against dating a non-black person, whether white or Asian or a native or Hispanic or anyone else. In fact, not just were they often against themselves dating outside of their race, but they were often also judgmental of me dating outside of my race – because they consider me to be black.
Frankly, I can’t understand it. I struggle to understand not wanting to date people outside of your own race. If you find someone attractive, why should it matter what their race is? And if you don’t find them attractive, I think it’s racist to blame their race for that. There might be a correlation – there might be a race of people who are usually more attractive to you, but for you to think a whole race is unattractive when all its members look different? That’s a problem to me and people need to stop viewing their romantic prospects by their race, in my opinion, and view them as damn individuals.
But I could be wrong! There could be many reasons why people date in their race only. But let me break down a few I disagree with:
We just have different cultures – Race does not dictate culture. I am a tea-drinking, posh(ish) London accent-speaking, cynical, sarcastic Brit through and through and I will always identify with my fellow Brits more than Indian or Jamaican people. This is where I where I was born, where I grew up and the country I am loyal to. My culture is mostly the same as my English friends.
I’m loyal to my race – There are good and bad people in every race. We need to stop dividing ourselves based on arbitrary lines that don’t even matter. Race is not as easy as we make it out to be because it’s so fluid. The way we classify race is unscientific. So loyalty to a made up group when you don’t even know if you have anything in common with every single one of them except how you look? Superficial and ridiculous. Be loyal to you and find someone who is compatible.
I just don’t find ___ attractive – as I said before, nothing wrong with finding out that you usually date a certain race. There is something very racist about blaming someone’s unattractiveness on their race or writing off a whole group of people based on a few experiences. There is also something probaby racist about fixating on race in your dating prospects instead of their personality and individual looks. You don’t have to ever date a black person in your life to not be racist. You just, in my opinion, have to not blame their blackness for the fact that you’re not attracted to them, and not fixate on their race. Most of the people I date and am attracted to are white, but that doesn’t mean I “only date white people”. I only date people I’m compatible with physcially, culturally, mentally and emotionally. It doesn’t matter what their race is. I just happened to find compatible people who were white. Although saying that, I’ve dated a few Southeast Asian people, too!
But I have some questions for people, if I haven’t scared you off (sorry – I needed to vent):
- Have you ever been in an interracial relationship?
- Does race matter to you? If so, why?
- What are your opinions on interracial relationships?
Please help me restore my faith in humanity!