Need Feedback On My Story

Hey y’all!

I need feedback on story that I’m writing. The story is about a generic MC who lives in a land called Episodia, and she suddenly gets sucked into the Real World.

Here is part one of the story.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

Wait, wrong story.

Once upon a time, there was a land called Episodia. And in the land of Episodia, anything could happen. You could cHaNgE a BaD bOy, fall in love and marry a gang leader who has no problem killing innocent people (so romantic!), or even stop a zombie apocalypse!

But, this story isn’t about gang leaders or zombies. It’s about a girl whose name is Emma. Emma has wavy hair, full lips, and every other generic feature that every single female main character has. (Wow, I’m so creative.)

Emma attends a school called Ridgewood High, and just like every other girl who goes there, she has a crush on the bad boy, whose name is Liam or some overused name like that. But unfortunately, Emma never gets to talk to him (neither do any of the other girls), because, he’s always with the mean girl, Blondie McDivacurlz.

Anyway, it was Monday morning, and Emma knew that she had to impress Liam-something-or-other. Hmm…how could she do that? She dug through her closet and threw on some revealing clothes, which would definitely get her dress coded if she lived in the Real World (a totally different world than Episodia). But, this is Episodia, and dress codes apparently don’t exist!

Saying good-bye to her mother and not her father, because most main characters usually have one parent and it’s generally the mom, Emma skips out the front door. She didn’t bother to eat breakfast because she spent too much time putting on makeup, and she was going to be late.

She jumps into her car and drives off, not caring about the speed limit. Unfortunately, she gets stuck in a traffic jam. There had been an accident at one of the traffic lights. “Come on!” she hissed at the driver in front of her. “I have to get to school and impress Liam!” At least, she hoped.

But the traffic wouldn’t budge. Emma sat in the car for what seemed like hours but was only fifteen minutes. School started five minutes ago, and she was officially late. Groaning, Emma finally pulls out of the traffic jammed road and onto a different road - a road she had never been on. Or even seen, for that matter.

What was this place? The sides of the road were lined by trees and beautiful flowers. Emma rolled down the windows, and she inhaled the fresh smell of rain. Had it rained here recently? Odd, since it didn’t smell like that at home. She squinted and spotted a bunch of baby bunnies crossing the road, smiling at the sight of them.
Emma kept on driving, marveling at the colorful flowers and cute animals she passed. She had never seen anything like this before. What was this place? How come she had never discovered it before?

It didn’t take too long until Emma realized she was lost. She didn’t know where she was. How long had she been driving on this road? She couldn’t remember. Was she even in Episodia anymore? Of course you are, you idiot. Episodia is the only land here.

Panicked, Emma took out her cell phone, praying it had battery. Please have battery, please have battery, please have battery… She peered down at the phone. It wouldn’t start. Dang it! Now I really am lost.

Emma spotted a lake and drove toward it. Once she reached, she cut the engine and got out of the car, sitting by the lake and admiring the nature. After a little while, she decided to take a swim and head back. Taking off all her clothes except for the undergarments, Emma jumped into the water. The cold water hit her skin, and Emma felt very refreshed.

Emma held her breath and went underwater, trying to see how long she could stay without breathing. Underwater, she unknowingly crossed a portal that led to a whole other world she didn’t know existed.

She suddenly found it difficult to breathe, and she gasped as she tried to come up to the water’s surface. But it was too late.

The last thing Emma remembered was being flung into outer space.

I hate this lmao

I need help on how to improve it. Specifically, I don’t like the part where I described the unknown road (I’m terrible at describing things).

Can y’all help? :smiley:

Thanks!

8 Likes

I love this so much lmao. There is nothing (at least in my eyes) you could do to make this masterpiece any better. :joy::sparkling_heart:

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Yes!! This sounds like it’s going to be some great satire if you really double down on the ridiculousness of everything :stuck_out_tongue:

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My favorite part is when she strips down for no reason and jumps in the lake :joy::ok_hand:t2:

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I hope, hope, hope that she’s wearing these clothes when she gets transported to the Real World and people ask her what she’s wearing/if she’s going to the beach or something xD

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Lmao, that would be hilarious. :joy:

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Is this comedy? I love it!

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Yes, and thank you!

This is amazing :joy:

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:joy: Glad you like it!

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:skull:

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:joy:

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i’d read this for suree aha

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I will definitely read it!

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This is amazing!
I love the part about impressing a guy with an overused name like Liam. SO on point! Please let us know when you publish it so I can read it. :slight_smile:

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bruh who takes off their clothes in front of a random body of water in public by themselves
this must be an episode character :skull:

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:joy:

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