The Writing Critique Thread!

In this thread you can share excerpts of writing to get it critiqued. Anyone can comment on any piece of writing that is posted here. This is similar to @ChaoticDeluge’s Art Critique Thread but for writing this time around. I will start off with a piece of mine. You can post a google doc link, Onedrive internet link(if you need help with this please ask me), and you copy and paste passages from any work you are working on. This is suppose to be fun but constructive criticism for the works you critique. Don’t be rude please explain your suggestions to the writer. We all deserve that respect as writers. Also don’t get mad if you hear something that upsets you. Just take it in stride while taking in the suggestions others give you. This is a learning experience for everyone.

@Discussions

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This is an amazing thread/idea.

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I’ll post something here eventually.

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Thank you!

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Alright, sounds good to me!

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This is what I usually use when asked for a writing sample but if someone could critique it that would be beuno

It was an early summer morning and the forest was alive, even at such an early hour. The birds were chirping happily, their song filling the trees and drowning the forest in their tunes. Those who weren’t lucky enough to be blessed with wings were still a flurry of action, scurrying about and looking for some food to start the day. Most took advantage of the berry bush, which appeared to have ripened seemingly overnight. The sun began to rise, casting a golden glow across the forest. It looked almost… ethereal. The forest at dawn was a beautiful sight, busy, but Mother Nature’s work at its finest. Something like perfection.

Especially to a wolf.

He narrowed his eyes, concentrating from the shadows on his target; a fat rabbit that was currently gorging itself on the fresh berries. It was a small thing, brown and speckled with some darker brown spots, but the wolf was pretty certain it would provide him with enough meat to get the day going. He wasn’t going to risk going for the deer alone. That may have been ideal in a pack, but by himself, the deer would definitely slip away from his grasp. So for now, he refocused his attention on the rabbit in front of him. He inched forward, pausing briefly before he pounced on the rabbit, teeth bared. His teeth sunk into his catch and as the rabbit stilled, the rest of the animals were moving quickly, away from the wolf and his threat of wanting more. So the wolf enjoyed the plump rabbit by himself in the morning sun.

He finished quickly, leaving nothing but some bones licked clean of any meat. Satisfied, the wolf stretched, a big yawn engulfing his features. Here, basking in the glow of the early sun, was where he transformed back into his human form. His thick silver fur was shed for pale skin, his paws becoming fingers and his tail disappearing entirely. The only similarity left from his wolf form was his startling blue eyes. He sat up, breathing in the fresh air. He’d forgotten how much more enhanced his scents became when he was a wolf. He found himself longing to be a wolf again, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to think properly and that was why he’d come out here, to think.

He sighed, resting his hands on his knees. He caught sight of the bracelet around his wrist, which had been made for him a couple of weeks earlier, cube shaped beads spelling out Bleiz. His mouth twitched into a nostalgic smile as he started to fiddle with the bracelet. It brought back good memories, mostly ones of Lilliana. “My Lili,” he mused, tracing each letter on the beads with his finger. The bracelet wasn’t anything special and although from anyone else it wouldn’t mean much to him; it was from Lilliana, and so it meant the world to him. He loved her, he had for so long, and he knew she loved him too. She meant everything to him, and he was happy to just let himself be engulfed in everything Lili. But he hadn’t been thinking about his mom, whom he should’ve thought about in the beginning. How could he have been willing to pursue a relationship with the daughter of the girl who had wrecked his mom’s life—his life? His mom was right; that was betrayal. He was the only person she had left, and he had been willing to throw their bond away for his girl? ”I didn’t raise you this way,” his mom had said during their fight. Bleiz ran his fingers through his raven black hair, exhaling shakily. He knew what he had to do, but that didn’t make it any easier.

He buried his face in his hands, curled up into a tight ball. Tears rolled down his cheek, and he cried in silence, his heart aching for the girl he couldn’t have. This year had been blissful oblivion but it was time for him to face the music. Face reality. Face the fact that Lilliana, his beautiful dark haired girl, was not his, not anymore. He looked back at his wrist, where the bracelet she had made him still lay. He took it off, closing his hand around it, trying to memorize the feeling of it in his palm. After a moment of silent resolution, Bleiz threw the bracelet as far away from him as he could. Lilliana would be meeting him here soon enough, and he had to make her think he was telling the truth. He was going to say awful things, things he could never take back, but this was the only way to keep her away from him—and to keep her away from his mother; he was afraid of what his mother would do if he didn’t end their relationship himself.

In the distance, he could see Lilliana approaching. Taking a shaky breath, Bleiz steeled himself and headed toward her, preparing to break the heart of the girl he loved. Her megawatt smile faded as she took in Bleiz’s grim expression; even before he said anything, she seemed to know that something awful was coming. The more Bleiz spoke, the more her face hardened. She shed no tear, not until long after Bleiz had left and she found the bracelet she made him in the dirt, discarded. Upon finding it, her face crumpled and she finally started to cry, letting out agonized wails that wracked her whole body. Her knees gave and she fell to the ground, slamming her fists into the dirt until she ran out of energy. She lay there for a few minutes more before her sobs began to slow. Lilliana took a few deep breaths to compose herself and slowly stood up, letting the bracelet fall to the ground before she crushed it with her boot.

am I just wanting to see how this scrollable option works no wayyy

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I will.have to read this later!

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FTD? :eyes:

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Sort of? It’s not an official post for FTD or anything, but it’s what I imagined happened between Bleiz and Lilli between FTD 1 and FTD 2. I have trouble coming up with things to write for writing tests so I just thought of those two characters and just wrote up a lil thing

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Ohlalala, I getcha. It’s super cool!

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Thank you~ ^.^

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What is FTD?

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It’s a roleplay known as Fairytaled

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Oh okay, I didn’t know that.

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Oh if you want to check mine out give me some suggestions that will be good. I would do the same for you when I get to read yours.

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I mean I don’t know if I’m qualified to give suggestions lmao and that’s the only reason why I haven’t, but I’ll read and give ya some feedback when I get back home!

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It doesn’t have to be big things. Even the smallest suggestions are good. I’m not much of critique either but I don’t mind giving suggestions.

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Like spelling and grammar rather than how you wrote it?

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That is something to look for, also a tricky passage that could be reworded or something like that. Does that help?

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Hm, sure, just take whatever I say with a grain of salt because I’m by no means a professional writer lmao—this’ll be more as a reader than anything, tbh

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