Scene open for brash critique lol:
Landon puts his hand up to the glass and looks up at space. The stars and distant planets are moving and beautiful swirling dust seems to glide along the stars. They woke him up from his bed to look at the stars, usually they are just in the clouds, smoothly sailing. But sometimes they get up to the height where they can see Space. He wonders why no one else is with him. He continues to look at the stars, and his eyes focus on one planet. It looks big from here, but he knows it is far, far away.
It is completely white, but with swirls of light brown inside it. Tiny lights dimmer and flicker there. Almost like the stars themselves. He rests his face gently on his hands, looking out the window at this planet.
“Ox. It’s called.” Myombi says.
Landon jumps up, startled yet Myombi is unmoving.
“Did you call me here, sir?” He asks.
Myombi says nothing, and just stares out at the planet.
“Looking out at the stars and all the planets, it does make you feel alone in the big universe, doesn’t it?” Myombi says.
Landon looks at him, confused. Myombi never talks about this sort of thing, he’s only seen him talk about training. Then he looks out the window when Myombi doesn’t reply. It doesn’t make him feel alone… not really. Because looking out at those stars and planets, he knows that he’s part of them, that he’s a piece in this universe, like the rest.
“It is the only planet nearest to us, Ox is, the others are simply just… too far away. We don’t have enough fuel to reach them.”
Landon just stares out at Ox. He knows that people live there. He wonders at what their life is like. What they do, how they live. Do they know about the disasters?
“Tell me the story of It again Landon.” Myombi says.
Landon looks up at him with surprise on his face, “But sir, don’t you know it?”
Myombi laughs, “My boy, you can never hear too much of a thing.”
“Well, I’m not much of a storyteller…” Landon says.
“Tell me your own short version then.” Myombi says.
Young Landon looks up at the stars, his eyes twinkling like them. He smiles slightly, the twinkle reaching his lips.
“Okay. Well, there is this God we call It. This God ruled a land where he had a lot of power. He was the king. Until a peasant girl managed to trap him and send him to the stars. Trapped forever in a cage. Until one day, when the final descendant of the peasant girl is born, with the ability to see the disasters.”
“Good, my boy.” Myombi says.
They sit in silence for a while, after that, staring at the stars.
“Myombi-” Landon starts tentatively.
Myombi gently puts his finger up to his lips, shushing him. He would do that a lot. Myombi looks towards the stars, then Landon does as well. They’re pretty, he thinks, but doesn’t understand what Myombi could be looking at past them. Then after a while, Myombi begins to speak.
“Do you know where we all came from?” Myombi asks.
“No? Weren’t we born on the ship?” Landon guesses.
His only memories are of the ship. His life, his whole world, was here. Myombi laughs.
“We’re all from that planet that you’re looking at right now.” Myombi says.
Landon puts his hands up to the glass and gasps.
“A lot of you came from orphanages, some came from people who designed this ship in the first place.”
“So it wasn’t a dream…” Landon whispers.
“What was, my boy?” Myombi asks.
“That I grew up in an orphanage. So I don’t have a family?” He asked.
He had always hoped that somewhere on this ship there was a family waiting for him. But, that was more in the back of his mind. He was happy with his life and his friends here.
“Not that we know of, no.” Myombi says.
Not that they know of… “So… I could have a family down on that planet?”
“Let’s not focus on that my boy, people are put into orphanages for a reason, you know.” Myombi says.
“Besides, there’s something that you need to know now that is more importan-” Myombi starts.
“So they either didn’t want me… or…” Landon begins.
“They’re likely dead, my boy. Now- this is less important than-” Myombi starts.
Landon looks up at him with frightened eyes, “Dead?” He chokes.
He looks to the stars, hoping the tears in his eyes will go away. He looks to the stars, his only memories bleak. Of being in a dark room, walking down dark hallways, and getting shoved and locked in a room. His entire childhood, gone. Erased from his memory, and he doesn’t even know why. And he has a particularly good memory! But in that dark room… there was something… someone.
“Is she dead too?” He mutters to himself.
“Speak up my boy- I’m getting older and my hearing is going too.” Myombi says.
“Stop calling me that.” He says.
Myombi looks surprised, yet eerily pleased.
“That is what I will call you until you can prove to me that you are anything but that, a boy. But you still would like to be a boy wouldn’t you?” Myombi says.
“Maybe I wish you didn’t take everyone away! Taken me away!” Landon says.
He expects Myombi to look angry, but he doesn’t, he just continues to stare at him without not a change on his face.
“You wondered if the girl you knew down there was dead- why is this important to you?” He asks.
“You heard me-” Landon says.
“I hear everything.”
Landon goes silent. He does not answer. He wants some part of his past to be alive.
“How do you know that she isn’t on this ship?” Myombi asks.
“She isn’t.” Landon says quietly.
“Well, if you are good enough, maybe you will eventually find her when you go back.” Myombi says, getting up.
Myombi begins to walk to the door, Landon looking at him--surprised. “Go back?”
Myombi turns around, “Of course, to fight the disasters. You’ll be the leader. By then, I’ll be too weak to lead everyone.”
“I can’t be the leader!” Landon says.
“Of course you will, I have faith.” Myombi says, turning around.
“I’ll have someone show you your new room. You won’t be seeing any of those pupils you knew for a while. Until you are 18.” He says.
Landon tries to run to the door, but he shuts it and locks it. He did it again. Ripped it right from his fingers, his childhood- his fun, his life. And he didn’t even begin to realize. He pounds against the glass, tears dripping down his cheeks and sobs escaping from his chest. He must have sat there for an hour at most. After a while, he could tell that someone was watching him. It was then that he dried his tears and faced the door. He couldn’t have changed this.
Then, a tall man entered. He had white hair and light purple eyes. He wasn’t older though, he looked to be in his 20’s.
“I’m going to be your trainer, Landon. Now come along with me, the rest are waiting.” He said, and turned around.
Landon followed him. His had was down and his eyes were dark. He looked towards the other door on the other side of the hall, the one that led to the rest of the ship, to his friends and to Liv. But as his footsteps sunk into the ground with heavy slow falls, he realized that he would forever give that up. Nothing would ever be the same. Everything was going to change.
Landon sits now in front of the crowd before him. They know his name, but he doesn’t know any of theirs. But he knows what they feel, maybe he shouldn’t-but he does.
Oki so this is part of a story I’m writing right now. It’s bad. But I’m working on the first draft so right now I’m just word vomiting and writing what comes to my head and stuff. If it’s bad or I don’t like it, I just move forward. But I am curious about what people think of this scene and how I can improve it when I do the second draft. Also would appreciate less comment on my horrible grammar/spelling lol, cuz I already know that that is probably bad (really bad oof). But it’s more interesting to me to hear comments about the plot in general so…
Lol now reading it back which I’m just gonna stop doing before I hurt my brain-sounds like something a middle schooler would write… wow um