𝕂𝕒𝕟𝕦𝕓𝕚𝕤𝕙𝔽𝕋'𝕤 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 ℝ𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 𝕋𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕

[Kanubish]

Hello, everyone . Welcome to my story review thread.
Since I don’t have anything special to do on my vacation, I would like to review stories. You can also give me a story’s name written by someone else. After all, this is a thread to criticize stories.
So, if you want me to review your story, then leave your story’s details below.

I am not qualified to do it at all, but just a reader and person with opinions about stories. I’ve been reading stories in the Episode app for almost a year.

If you want me to review your story and it’s published on Wattpad and not Episode, I WILL accept your request.

But, if you ask me for a review, it means that you take into account that:

1. I may give you a negative criticism. Of course, if I like something about your story, I’ll let you know, but if I give a negative criticism, I do it only because I want to help you improve and grow as authors. So, do not take any negative criticism of mine as an insult or attack.

2. It may take me a long time to give you my response as criticism. I am doing a review not only to you but also to others.

3. If your story has many chapters, I may not read all the story - maximum, I’ll read 10-15 chapters. It depends on how many chapters does your story has. On the other hand, maybe I will read all the story, but divide your story’s review into parts.

---

So, this way: my critique depends on:

• The story’s plot.

• grammar (Yes. The enjoyment of the readers from the story can be (partially) depend on the grammar. If there are too many spelling mistakes, it kills all desire to keep on reading the story. When the reader can read the story when there are fewer spelling mistakes, he will enjoy it).

• How diverse your story is. Not only in the context of the main idea, but also the characters. When I say “also the characters”, I mean how different your characters are from each other by any means. I love it when I see that not only the story’s main idea is very fascinating, interesting and attractive, but also the characters are different from each other on their background, looks, personality, which make the story more interesting.

• The way directing is done. I saw stories whose authors didn’t direct the character correctly, which can be disturbing. So, a correct directing is also important.

I’ll also take some screenshots to show you: what part of the story I liked, where do you have mistakes, etc…
And I’ll give you my advice if it’s necessary.

---

As always, there are:

Conditions/Rules:

1. I believe many of us like to watch drama series and movies… But! This is not the right address to make dramas in. So, when you come here, throw dramas to the garbage where it belongs to.
   Sorry, not sorry, but I’ll not tolerate anyone being disrespectful.

2. If you are not open to negative criticism - just don’t ask me for a review. As I said above, if I give a negative criticism, I do it because I want to help you improve as authors.

3. Please do not rush me.

4. I recommend you take every note I give you to your attention. It may help you in the future.

5. When I start reading a story, I’ll add the emoji “” near your name on the waiting list

6. No inappropriate language.

7. Please avoid bringing up off-topic issues/questions.

8. I will read stories from all kinds, as long as they don’t violate Episode’s/Wattpad’s guidelines.

---

So, if you want to get a review from me, all you have to do is to fill out the form below:

Story’s name+author’s name:
Plot:
Genre(s):
Number of chapters:
Story’s cover (not required, but recommended)

I can also review unpublished stories, so if you want me to review an unpublished story of yours, then send me on PM.

My review is always open, so just leave here your story’s details

I’ll add you to my waiting list by tagging you, and I’ll send your review, mainly by tagging you (and sometimes by replying to your post where your story’s details are written).
Also, I’ll do a list of stories that have been already reviewed (and I’ll link the story’s review)

Waiting list

@WolfGamerGirl37
@anon80318563

Stories I've reviewed

Jenna The Superstar and Powerful Crisis by @StarMaryGoth
Clue: In Cold Blood by @liyahsdiamond
The Witch Trials by @MeghanWrites

[StarMaryGoth]

Why not?

Title: Jenna The superstar

Summary: Jenna’s lifelong dream becomes a reality when she gets a chance of a lifetime, will she climb to succes or fall flat on her face?

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/4691786015309824

[liyahsdiamond]

Story’s name+author’s name Clue: In Cold Blood, Faith
Plot: A wealthy socialite is found dead in her mansion. The only thing left at the crime scene is a bloody necklace. Will this lead you to the killer?
Genre(s): Mystery, Thriller
Number of chapters:
Story’s cover (not required, but recommended)

[Kanubish]

@StarMaryGoth and @liyahsdiamond, I apologize for not replying sooner. (I wasn’t near my computer, so).
Anyway, I addeed you both to the waiting list.
Thank you for letting me review your stories

[Kanubish]

You forgot to name: how many chapter do the story have, author’s name, genre(s)

[StarMaryGoth]

Chapters: 5

Genre: adventurous

Author’s name: StarMaryGoth

[Kanubish]

Review of the story: “Jenna The Superstar” by @StarMaryGoth.
Thank you for waiting, and for giving me the opportunity to review your story.

So, this way: when I read the plot, I wasn’t attracted by that. It is nice, but not good enough to attract and intrigue. In addition, you had punctuation errors.
Note: by the way, the story’s title is not written on the small cover. And I think you should add the title.

I am gonna write down all my notes about the story by writing them in accordance with each chapter.

Chapter 1

• 

You wrote “bought”, instead of “brought”, so it was supposed to be “From the author who brought you…”

---

• 

When you write a story’s title, you should write each word’s first letter as a capital letter, so it should be written like this: “The Nightmare’s Trouble”, “Jenna The Superstar”.

---

• 

It should be either “To the story” or “Into the story”. Besides, when you write “onto”, you should write the words “on” and “to” together.

• In the costumization part, you gave the option to choose the hair color of Jenna’s (MC) family, but you forgot to add the word “hair” between the words “natural” and “color”.

---

• 

I think you should’ve written “I**'ve lived** with my uncle and aunt since my parents died of a car accident/crush”

• You forgot to add the word “she’s” before the “working on (her first book)”.

---

It should be “which it happened when I was 5” (without “it”).

---

• 

If you ask me, I’d write “So, they (the uncle and aunt) decided to take care of me”, without mentioning Kylie.

---

• “He totally was…”. Here, you should switch places between the words “totally” and "was’, so it’d be “He was totally”.

---

• 

“What should I wear for work?”, not “to work”.

---

• 

You forgot to add “an” before the word “audition”.

---

• There was a part where you wrote something and it wasn’t written correctly. You should have written “I’m going to audition tomorrow”

Chapter 2

• 

In my opinion, it’d be better if you wrote “cafe”, instead of “a coffee shop”.

---

• “I actually have to get going”. I think you should have just written “I actually have to go”.

• 

You forgot to write the first letter in a capital letter.

• You should write “I should go to talk to him”.

---

• 

When you write “Ms.”, the letter “m” should be written in a capital letter, and not like this “ms.”, so it should be “Ms. Harisson”.

---

• “How” and “where” after each other? You wrote “Do you know how where I can go?”. It’s weird. So, I suggest you write “Do you know which way I should go to the audition room?” instead.

• 

When you gave the choice of introducing myself or let another person introduce me, you wrote on the “introduce yourself” option “your self”. Both words “your” and “self” should be written together.

• After choosing to introduce myself, you wrote on the readerMessage “Confidence and professionalism is key”. It should be “are”, not “is”.

• When Lillian called someone to take out Scarlett, you didn’t write the first letter of the name “Scarlett” as a capital letter.

---

• 

Well… if I were you, I’d write “we were waiting for you”, instead of “we were expecting you”.

• When you meant to write “…your voice”, you forgot to add “r”, so it was “you voice” instead.

• 

It should be “Can’t say ‘no’ to tea…”.

---

• 

I think it’d better if you wrote “you spilt a costumer’s cup of coffee on your boss and left?”

---

• 

It should be “I got so tired of…”, not “I so got tired…”

• “That it was”? If already, write “yeah, it was.”

• You wrote “I was disguised”. It is “disgusted”.

---

• 

It’s “you**'re** either deaf or blind”. Not “your…”.

---

It should be “Stop coming here and bothering us”. You forgot to add “ing” in the word "bother. Same with the second image - “she’s always coming here and bothering us”.

Chapter 3

• 

It’d be better if you will write “This story contains zooms, so tap slowly”.
Besides, you wrote “the are zooms”, instead of "there are zooms.:

---

• 

You forgot to add the letter “s” in the word “sometimes”.

• “I should go”, not “I should get going”.

---

• 

You forgot to add between the words “important” and “you” the word “that”.

• 

You didn’t write correctly here as well. It should be “That was when your parents were still working here”.

I would correct here by writing “I bet one of the girls’ mother was a singer in Neon Lights”.

---

• 

“I never thought I would see the day to meet her daughter”? Instead of the highlighted part, it’s better if you’ll write “… the day would come when I would meet her daughter”.

• It’s rhythm, not “rythm”.

• 

“She was anatural” (without “a”)

Chapter 4

• 

“… to give a chance to new girls…” - here is where you should correct something. It’s “to give new girls a chance to join…”.

• 

You meant to say “questions”?

• 

I’d write like this: “When will there be concerts and how often?” or something like this.

• 

It should be “the people who host”, not “they people”.

• In my opinion, you should place the word “also” between “are” and “going to”.

• “You said it won’t be tiring you said”? Remove the last “you said”.

Chapter 5

• It is “We are still”, not “we still are”.

• You forgot to add “is” on the sentence “Hot chocolate ready”. It should be “Hot chocolate is ready”.

• 

Why doesn’t Jenna look at Lucia when they are talking to each other?

• In the end, when the sentence “To be continued” was shown and I clicked, the same sentence was shown again. Please check it out.

---

My advices to make your story great and unique:

1. First, try to make fewer spelling mistakes in the future. As you could see, you had many spelling mistakes. Don’t get me wrong. You don’t have to have such a perfect grammar, I don’t expect it. But, when it becomes too much, it kills all the desire to read the story (as I said). So, try to avoid it as much as you can, and always check out and make sure that you don’t have spelling mistakes. If you see even one word spelled incorrectly, then correct it, even if you think that it’s not important.
   In addition, I highly recommend you use punctuation (believe me, it is very useful). And, when you write “I” as a pronuon, it should always come as a capital letter - I am saying this, because you wrote the pronoun I in a small letter, and it was repeated many times.
   Just want to let you know that some people can get annoyed by poor grammars. But, regardless - don’t ignore the grammar side of things. One of the mistakes that many authors do is ignoring the grammar side, which only shows their laziness or look lazy. So, don’t be from these authors.

2. Diverse with your cast: Include a variety of different people. If you don’t do it, then it means that most of the characters are similiar in many terms. And I believe you’d like to make your story look and feel realistic. Even just a little. How can you do it? Give all of your characters these things:
   Background - nationality, race, ethnicity, religion, even sexuality, gender, gender identity, age (including birthdate), diabilities and mental health problems
   Personality- beliefs, opinions, motivations, even political views. And don’t make the characters look perfect. See them as if there are human beings. And we humans aren’t perfect.

I know you might not be that interested in adding diversity, but you have no idea how much it can help you make the story realistic, diversed and unique. And why it’s highly recommended? And why does it matter, at all? Because our world is full of diversity, since people can definitely be different in lots of ways, which makes our world wonderful and full of colors. In addition, diverse representation helps to bust all those bad stereotypes. But, you don’t need to represent all the diversity. Not at all. And no one will appreciate you representing their (insert religion/race/ethnicity/sexuality/disability, etc.) just to make your cast diversed. In addition, it can definitely look especially bad when you cram so many different minorities into one character that it can end up seeming so unrealistic.
And I am not gonna lie to you - it is a hard work, but it’s worth it. But, again - no need to represent many minorities through one character. Nor do you have to do it - it is your story. But, it is highly recommended.
Allow me to add one more thing - if you do want to represent some of the things I named above, and you don’t know about them enough, then don’t represent them without knowing things about them. However, it is not a justified reason to why not include them. You can collect information about what you want to represent through interenet (as long as the articles aren’t based on stereotypes) or even ask people.

And don’t forget - the characters are human beings. So, put a lot of effort on creating them. Do not neglect even one.

---

I hope all this helped you. And again, thank you for letting me review your story.

[StarMaryGoth]

Thank you so much for this review!! I appreciate it, because i was really struggling with those sentences, it’s actually very helpful. Bookmarking

[Kanubish]

Glad I could help

[WolfGamerGirl37]

Here is my story! I have another one but it’s getting revamped at the moment.

Title: Daughter of the Blue Dragon
Author: WolfGamerGirl37
Genre: Drama
Description: Lena is the daughter of a Yakuza boss, who is being set up for an arranged marriage. She decides to run away when tragedy strikes within the Blue Dragon gang.
Episodes: 4 (ongoing)
Cover:

[Kanubish]

I have another one but it’s getting revamped at the moment.

Oh, I don’t mind.

Thank you and I’ll add you to the waiting list.

[StarMaryGoth]

Hi again, do you mind reviewing my other story, if it’s possible? You give a really good and helpful critisism and i feel like it needs some improvements

[Kanubish]

Gladly. Just write down your story’s details here

[StarMaryGoth]

Alright

Title: Powerful Crisis

Summary: It’s the year 2119, but the world is back to how it was before. There is no gender equality and the stereotypes are back. Follow the lives of 5 girls finding their way to justice!

Chapters: 2

Author’s name: StarMaryGoth

Link: http://episodeinteractive.com/s/6273989902663680

Thank you

[Kanubish]

Review of the story: “Clue: In Cold Blood” by Faith (@liyahsdiamond)

Thank you for waiting and giving me the opportunity to review your story.

Story’s plot: First, I want to say that the plot is well written and I’m getting enough to make me want to read your story - it sounds so mysterious, exciting, and stretching. In addition, you used a proper punctuation, which is a good and helpful thing.
I just have a small note: I wouldn’t write “you”, since it can definitely mislead readers - it might make them think that they can choose the MC’s name. Instead, I’d write “Will this lead Destiny Taylor to the killer?”.

The story’s cover is simple and to the point! It’s like if both the story’s cover and plot are connected together, this connection creates a kind of saying: “Come and follow a story full of mystery and thriller, if you dare”. Well done

---

So, this way:
You started the story well. A beginning suitable for a thriller and mystery story. You used the narration well too. So, I am gonna write down what I thought as I read each chapter of the story.

Chapter 1

• Wow, I felt it when Veronica said “Perfection? Not in this place”, with that sound effect. And you used it well.

• By the way, Destiny looks beautiful just the way she is. So, I left her as the way she is.

---

Is she the one who murdered Veronica?

---

Seems like she has experienced racism at her job . It’s good that you are showing the problem of racism that still exists in the world, unfortunately . It is always great to raise awareness about reality .

• 

Ooohh, now you made me excited and curious. And it’s not easy to make me feel this way because of a story.
But, as a payback, I chose to report that jerk instead of using words or hitting him. Now, he’s in trouble - hehe.

---

• 

• It seems as though the hand had been torn away . Check it out.
  And… Corrine died??

---

• From what I saw, the undress animations were used on the outfit choice scene - maybe use dustoff_neutral_loop animation (?), because it doesn’t make sense to use the undress animations as dressing too , if you know what I mean. But, hey, can’t blame you for Episode not adding dressing animations .

• When Damaris’ co-worker enter in a certain house, you should have used the walking command directing.

---

Life isn’t fair to Destiny, huh?

Chapter 2

Some screenshots (I didn't screenshot the whole scene)

Well, things are getting more and more interesting. And I kinda like it. It raises questions: What’s their secret? What happened between both of them?
And - what?! Are Veronica and Absinthe sisters?!

---

Another scene's screenshots

.
.
.

Okay… Now I am asking myself who’s the bad one - Destiny or Absinthe?

I can’t believe she actually pushed Absinthe from a roof. But, why is that? What did Absinthe do to make Destiny think that she’s evil?
This is a mystery I will probably reveal later in the story.

---

Oooh, that was strong and expected.

---

• When you put the necklace overlay, you should have made it smaller. And I think you should change the layer, so it’d not look as if Leonardo walks “behind” the necklace.

• Why isn’t Absinthe’s face shown when she and Leonardo talk to each other?

---

• Poor girl. It was a horibble way to die

• So, it was shown to Destiny in one of her dreams. Interesting. Now, I am dying to know what she’s going to do.

---

Stop. What?! Is Christina Destiny’s real name? And more than that - why does Veronica blame Destiny for her death?

Chapter 3

It appears the whole part of Veronica blaming Destiny for her death was just a dream of Destiny. Or maybe not…

Oh, oh. There seems to be a lot of trouble waiting for Destiny (or Christina). And things are going pretty deep.

---

So, Corrine is alive after all. What is gonna happen to her next?

Note: The speech bubble is not placed correctly. In addition, Corrine’s face is unseen on the second screenshot - please check it out.

---

Seems like someone here has started to suspect her (Destiny)

---

Oh, man. It hasn’t been a half year, or a month since his wife was murdered and he is already developing feeling for another woman? And that woman is someone who knows who murdered his wife and she’s hiding this from him?!

---

Oh, oh… Veronica catched them. I already see her doing a hell to both of them

---

Why doesn’t Genesis face to the direction of Salem?

---

I thought you English native speakers the word “still” after a pronoun. So, shouldn’t it be “you still have it”?

---

• So, Leonardo was drunk when he confessed to Absinthe? (Well, when a person is drunk, he can tell you anything he feels)

---

• Oh, no. Absinthe can never be someone else. Annnd, someone is so jealous of Veronica, because she had what she wanted and didn’t achieve. Jealously… what it can do to people.

Additional notes:

1. If you ask me, it’s better for you to limit on the customization (by limit the skin tone options). But, it’s your story - your choice whether to give a full costumization, a limited one or none at all. I am saying this as a recomendation.

2. 

The one who made the text overlays should have started the sentences with a capital letter. In addition, in one of the text overlays, the sentence “This story uses sound” is written. Shouldn’t it be “sounds”?

---

By the way, if I saw correctly, I noticed that there’s a diverse character (Salem) . So, wanted to ask out of curiosity: will diversed characters be shown later in the story?
If there will be ones, then I suggest you take a background and make text overlays saying “different characters can have different opinions that may not represent your or the author’s beliefs and values”. But, that’s just a recommendation. But, do as you wish since it’s your story.

---

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story and I am sure it will get many reads in the fututre. And I hope my notes helped you.

So, thank you again for giving me the opportunity to review your story.

[WolfGamerGirl37]

Thanks, I might put it on here after this first review.

[Kanubish]

No problem. If you’ll find the first review helpful and good, then feel free to ask for a review again.

[liyahsdiamond]

I gave limited customization.

[Kanubish]

In addition, in one of the text overlays, the sentence “This story uses sound” is written. Shouldn’t it be “sounds ”?

I added one more thing.

I gave limited customization.

I thought you didn’t, because when I saw “rose shades” and “gold shade”, it seemed as if you gave a full customization .
Since this is misleading, maybe write as a note “all skin tones are dark”.

[liyahsdiamond]

The range was from 5 to 10, mid-dark to completely dark. A reminder would have worked, yes?