What do you think about this short story I wrote? 🤩

My teacher liked it, but I kinda dislike it, so I want to hear some more opinions on it.
Only rule is that you have to be honest!
The topic is kinda boring because we had to include some words, so I was very limited in my creativity :eyes::eyes:

He ran through the crowded streets of his run-down neighborhood as fast as he could without slipping on the wet pavement. He had just stolen another handbag and he was sure that the large woman he stole it from would not be happy about it once she found out.

He stopped in front of his house’s entrance and gasped for air. His heart was beating so quickly that he thought he would pass out soon, but it seemed like he had successfully escaped again.

He opened the bag to find out what the outpay of today’s crime was. Would he finally find something expensive enough to end his criminal life forever?

This was not the first time Jack had stolen something from a rich person, but this was the first time he had high hopes of finding something valuable.

After all, the woman who he stole the bag from was not just another rich woman. She was the owner of the largest and most luxurious restaurant chain in the world.

He was surprised when he saw her in the small dirty streets of his hometown. Her expensive clothes, her designer handbag and the scent of her perfume made her stand out in the crowd, but she didn’t seem to mind the attention her appearance attracted. In fact, she seemed to be quite happy about it. She didn’t mind that everyone on the street watched her take out her heavy looking wallet to give a poor beggar and his dog a 50$ bill, which was supposed to help the man feed his dog, as she explained to him.

So Jack decided to follow her, hoping that he would get a chance to be close enough to her to steal her wallet. Because if she was willing to give away such a large amount of money, how much more could there be hidden in her bag?

It was easy for him to follow her. No one would expect a 14 year old boy to steal something from a woman three times larger than him after all.

After 2 hours of following her around, she finally decided to set her bag down on a park bench, so it wouldn’t bother her while she was making what seemed like an important phone call.

Jack knew that this was his chance, so he took a deep breath and snatched the bag while no one was looking at him and before anyone could even think of turning around, he was gone.

So now that he finally reached his home, Jack finally felt safe enough to open the bag. His eyes were glowing with excitement.

He unzipped the bag as quickly as he could, growing more impatient with every second.

He furiously digged through the contents of the bag until he found the wallet.

He grinned as he opened it.

But when he saw what the content of the wallet was, his grin quickly disappeared.

In the wallet was a single note saying:

You walked right into our trap. We finally caught you after you stole the bags of half of the rich people in this city. There’s a tracker in this bag. It tells us your exact location. We’ll arrest you as soon as you stop for more than a minute.

-the city police

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re under arrest for stealing. Come with me without causing a scene and maybe we will shorten your sentence.”

8 Likes

Hanna wowowoow this is so good! The twist at the end-

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Yesss :star_struck::star_struck:

Hanna you’re so talent :sob:

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Thanks, my teacher also liked the twist a the end, but I find it kinda cliche- :star_struck::green_heart::eyes::sparkles:

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:pleading_face::green_heart:

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Damn, this is good

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oh wow I love it

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Thank youuu :pleading_face::green_heart::eyes::sparkles:

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Noooooo, poor kiddo :sob:

Nicely done! :ok_hand:

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Added a couple tags~

And it’s a great story, loved reading it :wink:

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Thank you :pleading_face::green_heart::eyes::sparkles:

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Ooh, great!

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Oh man. Poor Jack.

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I love it!

1 Like